A guide for the partner who still wants sex
You are lying awake beside the person you love, and their back is turned toward you again. You’ve learned not to reach for them, and you’re tired of doing the math on how long it has been. Nobody writes for the partner in that bed, so I wrote this guide for you.
Drawing on more than a decade as a somatic sex therapist and my own lived experience of aversion, this guide helps you:
~ Understand what is happening in your sexual relationship, including why your partner’s turning away is a protection and so rarely a verdict on your desirability or your worth.
~ Tend your own feelings and needs, so your touch hunger, grief, and loneliness stop riding on your partner’s body, with somatic practices for the nights when the wall feels like too much.
~ Talk about sex in productive ways that bring you closer and get you more of what you want, with words to try that keep conversations from turning into litigation.
~ See the dance the two of you keep running, and the one part of it you can change.
~ Face your choices with clarity, whether you stay and work together, redesign your relationship, or let go, so whatever you decide comes from clarity rather than resentment.
Inside you’ll find reflection prompts, guided practices, and real stories from couples who found their way through.
My partner doesn’t want to have sex with me is the companion to From Panic to Choice: A Roadmap Out of Sexual Avoidance, written for people struggling with sexual aversion.